Dear readers, in my vast travels throughout this galaxy we call Blogger… it’s come to my attention that there are several bloggers out there that fancy themselves as writers.
It’s also come to my attentions that those bloggers need help… and so, I’ve compiled a list of helpful hints to assist in guiding those that need this assistance so desperately. Let’s face it, when it comes to writing – some people just have a way with words, while others, just… not , uh…. have that very, uh… way… with words.
And so, without further consternation, here: Have some help… courtesy of the Flukenator:
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies either.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
(however) should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Sprint the horse around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
35. Always use a spell checker to avoid looking ignernt.
36. Whenever possible, use a poignant visual aide to assist in bringing your point across...
My point being: If you must write something, write it well.